“The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friendship is something men and women alike are compelled to discover. It is our human condition to seek out as Plato describes as our “Primary Friend.” In researching the philosophy of friendship, I read passages from Plato’s Lysis and Symposium discovering that Plato comes to the realization that true friendship should produce a better version of ourselves; a version that allows us to be the best we can be and realize the most about ourselves. In essence, we seek to find the best of ourselves through the friendship of someone else.

As most of us aren’t reading ancient philosophy on a daily basis, we generally describe our motivation for friendship by a feeling. Camaraderie, closeness, companionship, alliance and allegiance, are common descriptions. We value loyalty most of all, and when this is taken out of the equation, we are moved to the point of resentfulness, bitterness, anger, and often hostility.

Friendships are interesting – like all close relationships, they summon certain expectations, which can enrich our lives, or at times take us over the edge. We all want to be in relationships that just flow, and are easy and comfortable. But human nature prevailing, sometimes we hurt each other, intentionally or not. When someone who claims to love and care about you and who you believe has your best interests at heart does something to hurt you, the wound produced seems to go much deeper than if the very same thing was done to you by a total stranger! That’s because we don’t expect weeds to be growing in a beautiful, flourishing garden. There are speed bumps like this in life, however, that make a true friendship even more revered.

After all, quality prevails, despite the ongoing idea that quantity is what matters. Social media has created a community where we can enlarge our friend list, just like wireless networks have allowed us to create a large “friend” circle. We can view each other’s social media sites and think to ourselves, “Wow, they really have a lot of friends. I’m not knocking that, as creating a community of people is great for getting your message out with like-minded people. However, in the true sense of the word “friend,” there is a lot to be said.

To have friends, you must show yourself friendly! Friendships are not to be taken lightly; they don’t just appear out of nowhere because you happen to be good looking or wealthy (well maybe they do, but only temporarily as these are just contrived associations based on superficial qualities). Some of the best friends I’ve had for years are those who I’ve reached out to or vice versa, for one reason or another at some point in my life. The result was a friendship that just “stuck.” Maybe there’s something there that just “clicks” and you know you’re destined to be friends for life. Hold on to those people for they are a rare commodity; they are friends who accept and love you in spite of yourself!

These friends also mold you. Consider them a ruler for how you measure yourself and your values. The friends you have in your life should be a representation of who you are since you are who you surround yourself with. If you’re not happy with someone in your circle of friends because of their integrity or character, keep in mind that if you continue the relationship, those bad traits that they are known for may soon become questionable in your own life. Your ascension towards a greater you will come to a halt, and why would anyone want that?

Best friends from the movie

I am blessed that I have close friends who I trust, who I look to for council, and know that when they offer me advice, my best interest is in mind, and I never worry that their motives are self-serving. The close friends I have know that I would do anything in my power to help them in their time of need. I’m reminded of this verse from Carole King’s song “You’ve got a friend.” I love the way James Taylor sang it:

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
I’ll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yea

I believe people who go through life without close friends are truly missing something. They are missing the discovery of themselves. You can be close to your family, and yes the saying “Blood is thicker than water” holds true, but there’s nothing like true friendship with a few great people that can produce not only wonderful memories, but a genuine life impact. Who in your life right now calls you “friend?”

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